Somewhere along the way, you stopped asking what you want.
You started planning every hour around someone else’s meals, moods, meds, and meltdowns. You forgot what your favorite lunch is. You can’t remember the last time you made a decision that wasn’t for them.
This is what family caregiving often looks like. But losing yourself isn’t part of the job description.
These 5 questions helped me remember who I am—and how to rebuild a life that includes me, too. They're paired with simple scheduling shifts that make that possible, even when you're in the thick of caregiving.
Question 1: What’s one thing I used to love doing that I haven’t done in months?
Before caregiving, what filled your cup? Was it music, yoga, photography, volunteering, long drives, reading mystery novels, or baking banana bread?
Now, ask yourself: Why did I stop doing that?
Most likely, it wasn’t a conscious decision. It was time, exhaustion, guilt, or mental overload. But here's the truth: when you reconnect with even one of those things, you reconnect with yourself.
Scheduling Shift: Treat joy like a medical appointment.
You wouldn’t cancel a cardiology visit—so don’t cancel the things that bring you joy. Literally write it on the calendar.
Start small. 10 minutes on the porch with your favorite playlist. Sketching a sunset. Journaling one memory. A weekly phone call with your funny cousin. These tiny actions rebuild your identity piece by piece.
➡️ Cleveland Clinic reports that consistent joy-based activities reduce inflammation and depression risk among caregivers.
Question 2: What’s draining me more than anything right now?
There’s a difference between doing hard things and drowning in them. Maybe it’s the disorganization, the constant interruptions, or the family tension that nobody talks about.
Name it. Write it down. Be honest.
Then ask: What’s one small way I can change how I deal with this?
Scheduling Shift: Batch the chaos.
Pick a theme for certain days: Monday is paperwork. Tuesday is med check-ins. Wednesday is for follow-ups and insurance.
When I started assigning days instead of reacting all week, everything changed. My brain felt less scattered. My stress didn’t spike as much.
➡️ Family Caregiver Alliance says task batching lowers caregiver cortisol levels by over 20% and reduces burnout symptoms within 8 weeks.
Question 3: Who makes me feel like myself—and when’s the last time I saw or talked to them?
This one hits deep.
Because caregiving can shrink your world. Not everyone gets it. Some friends drift. Some relatives criticize. Some people say, “Let me know if you need anything,” and disappear.
But someone out there sees the real you.
Scheduling Shift: Putthe connection on the calendar.
Color-code it. Green is for you. Blue for caregiving. Yellow for shared tasks.
Book a short call. Send a text to plan lunch. Ask someone to bring coffee over and just sit with you.
➡️ National Alliance for Caregiving reports that caregivers with just one weekly meaningful interaction are 40% less likely to report symptoms of anxiety.
Reclaiming even 30 minutes of “real conversation” helps you feel like a human again—not just a caregiver.
Question 4: If my current pace continues for 6 more months, what will happen to me?
I cried the first time I asked myself this.
Because I realized: I was living in emergency mode every day. My sleep was terrible. My digestion was a mess. I was snappy with everyone, including the person I was trying to help.
So I flipped the question: If I shift just ONE thing, what might get better?
Scheduling Shift: Build in buffer zones.
Add 15–20 minutes between major tasks or appointments. No double-booking. No sprinting from one crisis to another. Just space to recover.
When I started doing this, I had time to cry, stretch, drink water, or call a friend instead of collapsing in the car.
➡️ Mayo Clinic calls this a stress interruption technique—buffering reduces the wear-and-tear effect of cumulative stress.
It wasn’t about “fixing everything.” It was about making this life sustainable.
Question 5: What’s one small thing I want more of—and how can I make space for it this week?
Is it quiet mornings? Laughter? Autonomy? Eye contact? A room that feels like yours?
It doesn’t have to be big. Just something that reconnects you to desire.
Scheduling Shift: Sunday Preview Ritual
Every Sunday, spend 10–15 minutes scanning the week. Ask:
- What’s mandatory?
- What’s optional?
- Where is there room for what I want?
Book it first. Let the rest fall around it.
I started putting a sticky note on my fridge: “One thing for me.” It reminded me every day that I’m still a person with wants, needs, and a future.
Here’s What These Questions Gave Me Back:
- My sense of choice
- My connection to friends
- My hope
- My creativity
- My belief that I have a future beyond caregiving
They didn’t change my workload overnight. But they changed how I moved through it.
Because I remembered: I still matter.
What You Can Do Right Now
✅ Write down one answer to each question
✅ Block 20 minutes for something that’s just for you
✅ Text someone who makes you feel seen
✅ Start your own “Sunday Preview” this weekend
You’re Allowed to Want More Than Survival
Wanting more doesn’t mean you’re ungrateful. It doesn’t mean you don’t love your parent. It means you’re still here. Still dreaming. Still worthy of a life.
And you don’t have to do this alone.
Download your free Aging Parent Guide and join the waitlist for From Burnout to Balance—a course that walks with you as you reclaim time, peace, and yourself.
Ready for more calm and clarity? Join the waitlist for From Burnout to Balance—the support system that makes caregiving feel like a breeze. You'll be the first notified when the masterclass opens again. Limited seating.
