There are two types of people in this world, those who set boundaries and those who do not.
Building relationships with others means taking care of yourself first and that is adamantly sticking to what you believe is best for you. When we waver from this, the people around us do not know what our boundaries are. They become confused and it seems like they may even be taking advantage of us when we don't speak out consistently.
There are seniors out there who enjoy their families tremendously because they have set boundaries early in their lives. Their families know what to expect from their loved ones as they age.
See how these seniors acheived this in chapter 3 of this FREE The Super-Ager's Starter Guide. Do you do all these things?
Then there are those families who are beginning to take care of an aging senior and never had boundaries. While the physical demands are progressing, the family member finds it harder and harder to understand what the senior wants versus what the senior needs. This creates more conflict.
Why are boundaries so important?
Boundaries are crucial for maintaining healthy relationships, preserving individual well-being, and fostering a sense of self-respect and autonomy. Establishing and maintaining boundaries involves setting limits on the behaviors, actions, and demands from others that individuals are willing to accept.
Here are 10 reasons why we want to set boundaries.
Respect and Autonomy:
Boundaries are fundamental to respecting individual autonomy. They help establish a clear understanding of personal space, preferences, and limits. Respecting others' boundaries demonstrates acknowledgment and consideration for their autonomy.
There are ways to discuss your boundaries without blaming or shaming another person into doing something they think is best for us. Words that hurt us mean we have not discussed our boundaries with those we spend time with..
Emotional Well-being:
Healthy boundaries contribute to emotional well-being by preventing the intrusion of negative influences. When individuals set boundaries, they create a protective space that safeguards their emotions, preventing unnecessary stress, resentment, and emotional exhaustion.
Boundaries keep us on an even keel. we are not torn between doing one thing and feeling guilty about another because those we love think they know what's best for us.
Maintaining Healthy Relationships:
Boundaries are essential for building and maintaining healthy relationships. Clear communication about personal needs and expectations fosters mutual understanding and respect. In contrast, blurred or nonexistent boundaries can lead to misunderstandings, conflict, and strained relationships.
Again, boundaries don't have to be hard but they do have to be black or white. confusion sets in when we allow our boundaries to fall by the wayside on some days, but on other days we're very strict and it almost feels like a backlash to the person who got away with it yesterday but can't get away with it today.
Preventing Burnout:
Setting limits on time, energy, and commitments helps prevent burnout. Without clear boundaries, individuals may find themselves overextended, taking on more responsibilities than they can handle. Establishing realistic boundaries promotes a balanced lifestyle and prevents exhaustion.
Not a truer statement can be made than this one about family caregivers. So many of our members in the Senior Freedom Club set up their boundaries and implement them with practice. This changes their lives as they get through the caregiving process.
Clarity is key here to make sure everybody understands the what-ifs.
Protecting Physical and Mental Health:
Boundaries are crucial for protecting both physical and mental health. This includes setting limits on exposure to toxic relationships, stressful situations, or environments that may negatively impact well-being. Clear boundaries contribute to a healthier and more sustainable lifestyle.
Speaking of what-ifs, we have to look at the exit strategy both the seniors and their family members take when they can no longer get along. Commonly what happens is that family members continue to live together and the stress becomes too great for both of them. Exit strategy means that there comes a point ahead of time where the discussion takes place and everyone knows when certain things occur it is time to move on and away from each other. By doing so, the relationships get better when they can see each other once in a while but not live together anymore.
Promoting Self-Care:
Boundaries play a key role in promoting self-care. They empower individuals to prioritize their own needs and allocate time for activities that contribute to their well-being, whether it's rest, recreation, or personal development.
Self-care is about prioritizing what's important to you. In dealing with other individuals, it is natural to not want to see certain people on certain days depending on how you feel. To know that you have a safe place to go and time to relax and get your mood and energy back up to where you like it is critical.
Clarifying Expectations:
Boundaries help clarify expectations in various relationships, both personal and professional. Clear communication about personal limits prevents misunderstandings, reduces conflicts, and fosters a more harmonious and productive environment.
Families who understand boundaries do not have guilt. They understand and respect one another's personal preferences. For example, the family caregiver who is sacrificing her marriage to take care of her mom has not set consistent boundaries. But look at the family caregiver who completely and honestly tells her mom that the caregiving is jeopardizing her marriage. Her mom respects this and together they seek other caregiving choices.
Encouraging Personal Growth:
Healthy boundaries create a supportive framework for personal growth. They provide the space and conditions necessary for individuals to explore their interests, pursue goals, and develop a strong sense of self.
Nothing is truer than how boundaries encourage personal growth. Over and over again I saw my patients’ families telling my patients they couldn't do certain things anymore. In fact, in many cases, the senior is told to move in with their adult child when they want to stay independent. Nowadays, there are so many choices to do so.
Super seniors understand that they have to stay adventurous, active, and in personal growth. Although their family members may not always agree with them, they do support them.
Enhancing Communication Skills:
Setting and maintaining boundaries require effective communication skills. Learning to express needs, assertively communicate limits, and negotiate boundaries contributes to improved interpersonal communication.
Being very clear in your conversation without blame or shame is critical in setting boundaries. One of the things we teach our members in the Senior Freedom Club is that when a loved one calls them ‘selfish’ it truly means, “Don't please you, please me.” Now who's being selfish?
Empowering Individuals:
Establishing and enforcing boundaries empowers individuals to take control of their lives. It reinforces a sense of agency and self-determination, allowing individuals to make choices aligned with their values and goals.
There is no better feeling than having great relationships with your family. Whether you are a senior who enjoys outings with your family and the laughter that goes with it or you're a family member who can't wait to see their super aging senior, you are blessed.
And this all came down to setting those boundaries, knowing how to respect one another, and being clear on what each individual wants and needs.
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