Can I let you in on a little secret?
If you’re stressing over your mom or dad not eating, you’re not alone. You can’t figure out what’s wrong. You cook for them. You prepare their favorite foods. You ask them what they would like. When it’s put in front of them., they just sit there.
You then let them eat whatever they want and still…they don’t eat.
As you worry about their health and nutrition, you begin to feel helpless. You start to second-guess yourself. Maybe, you think, I’m not the best person for this. Maybe she eats for others but not you.
You really don’t have time to sit and feed them. Is it your company they really want? Is that why they wait for you?
Perhaps she really doesn’t know what she likes or doesn’t like anymore.
You find yourself saying, “It’s such a chore. I dread this time of the day.”
Now what?
I know how you feel. I spent years helping sons and daughters just like yourselves. One daughter came into the office and just burst into tears when she saw her mom’s weight on my scale. Mom has lost another 3 pounds.
She was becoming frail and weak. There was no doubt in my mind that her daughter loved and worried about her mom. Mom was not trying to hurt her daughter. She just was not eating and we had to figure out why.
How to get them to eat
Fast forward six weeks later. We covered the 22 items in this eBook. Together mom, daughter, and I formed a team. We reached out to others who could help. As we went through and eliminated each of these 22 items, we finally figured out why Mom (my patient) wasn’t eating.
I saw a change in this daughter, too. She no longer felt it was her fault. She rid herself of worry. She felt confident and with the courage I rarely see, she pressed on to find a solution both mom and she could live with. Seeing her smile again made me realize why I loved medicine so much.
3 Facts You Want to Understand
Because I know this is a common occurrence, this not eating, refusing to eat, and the frustration and worry that comes through every family member who cares for their seniors, I want to share with you 3 things you need to understand.
- This is not your senior's fault or your fault. Seniors do not intentionally get up every morning and think, “I’m going to make my son or daughter’s life miserable today by not eating.” They truly want to please you. It’s just that food is not in their “joy” category.
Once you realize this is not on you, you will begin to feel a weight off your shoulders. You will come to understand that this is your senior’s choice. Yes, she may eat for others but not for you, but that has nothing to do with you. It’s her own world and she enjoys where she’s at so let it go. You’re not going to change it from the outside looking in. We’re going to change it through the inside looking out. And her doctor can help you do this.
- Seniors lose their taste buds. This is also true of their hearing and sight. It may even be true in their balance. But we notice these latter things more. We don’t think about the taste buds becoming compromised. So now that you know this, ask yourself this, “Do you blame yourself for their loss of eyesight or hearing?” Of course not! So there you are. Know that we can work around this and find what works and how it works for you and your senior.
- I find that most seniors looked like they were losing weight but in reality, their body shape was just changing. What was once broad shoulders were now sagging. What was once eating with our backs straight is now stooped over. Clothes no longer fit properly. Pants sagged where there was once a backside. Blouses that fit nicely are now failing forward. And food? There just seemed to be more on their clothes and the floor than there needed to be.
Your Road to Success
So we knew, once again, that this was only about change, not food. It was such a feeling of relief to know that as family caregivers we are not the ones who need to worry. This is all part of a process bringing us to the scary edge of our own worry and frustration.
So now that we have these facts out of the way, let’s look at why they are not eating in a new light.
