Your parents don’t want to slow down, but you want them closer. Hmmm.
Let me tell you about the time I worked as a patient advocate. I had a client in Chicago who wanted me to keep an eye out on his dad who came to Florida alone every year.
He didn't want to stop his dad from coming but he had grave concerns about his health. Plus, this client was extremely busy and worked a very difficult job running his company. It was bad enough that he felt guilty because he could not visit him enough. Many of us wish we could visit more.
His dad even said he’d pay for a ticket to have his son and family come down but money wasn’t the issue, time was.
And then his son also worried about the health resources in Florida. What if he fell or worse, hit his head or needed surgery. My client knew all the “good” doctors up north but knew little about Florida’s healthcare.
And then, how much time could he spare to go back and forth to see his dad in recovery?
All these concerns made him press his dad into giving up travel and just stay local as the years went by.
Enter, my patient advocate practice.
So, this client hired me to handle Dad while in Florida and sure enough, one day, dad falls and ends up in the emergency room with a cut on his head.
Now understand that his dad is 91-years-young and a fiercely independent, mostly healthy senior. He does not have dementia but does have confusion when he hits his head. Don’t we all?
He wants to go home but the ER doctors want to keep him for observation and run a bunch of tests after stapling his scalp back together.
Having spent time with this man, I knew him. I also knew what the ER doctors were going through since I used to work in the ER as a Physician Assistant. I called the son, my client, and told him his father was in the ER getting his scalp repaired, would be getting a CT scan and after the results, if everything was OK. He would be going home where I would continue to monitor him.
There was no need for my client to jump on a plane. I knew all the best neurologists, if he had a concussion or needed surgery. I had access to all his medical records, and I was his point of emergency contact in Florida. I also knew his insurance and what it would pay for and what “added services” would not be paid.
This event ran smoothly. My client felt his father would get the best care. On the other hand, his dad was being heard and would not be pressured into moving back to the north. And the added benefit to all this was that I understood the medical jargon and healthcare menagerie better than most.
As my client says, “Long-distance caregiving isn't always easy, but knowing Dad is happy and healthy makes it all worth it. We're in this together, every step of the way.”
My 3 BIG tips...
Despite any challenges you might have, with careful planning, effective communication, and support from local resources and loved ones, you can overcome the obstacles of long-distance caregiving and ensure your aging parents receive the care and support they need to thrive.
Patient Advocates do it all the time. Here’s my 3 biggies…
- Open Communication Channels: Maintain open lines of communication with your loved one, their primary caregiver (if applicable), and other family members involved in their care. Regular check-ins via phone calls, video chats, or emails can help you stay informed about their needs and well-being.
- Build a Support Network: Identify local resources, such as neighbors, friends, or community organizations, that can provide assistance when you can't be there in person. This network can help with tasks like transportation to appointments, grocery shopping, or simply offering companionship.
- Organize Important Documents: Make sure you have access to essential documents, such as medical records, insurance information, and legal documents like advance directives and power of attorney. Keep digital copies stored securely online and share them with trusted family members. Make sure that the next designated family member who has to leave when there is an emergency has the correct medical papers in order to speak with the doctor.
With the right strategies, you too can have your parents enjoy their life away from you. Whether it’s travel or living 1000 miles away, you can always find the support they need. I’ve seen it over and over again on cruise ships, airplanes, and foreign countries. Keep those people close while your parents stay afar!